


Baby, Right On Time

by kittytbh



Series: An(a)esthetic [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, also harry gets hard because hes dumb and easily aroused, and also a porn star, anyway, due to anesthesia, harry has an unamed surgery, harry thinks louis is a stripper, louis indulges in him for a little bit, mentions of mpreg, temporary memory loss, theres a bit of fondling, very lighthearted!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-26
Updated: 2015-02-26
Packaged: 2018-03-15 07:17:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3438401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittytbh/pseuds/kittytbh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis doesn't even know where to start with what Harry's just said. "Harry, you don't recognize me?" He watches his husband become even more confused. "How d'you know m'name?" Louis doesn't know whether to laugh or cry, honestly. "Did Gemma rent you to make me feel better? You're a stripper or a porn star or somethin' like that, right?"</p><p>(or; the one where Harry's a bit loopy coming out of surgery)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Baby, Right On Time

**Author's Note:**

> hiiiii i literally wrote this from 10 pm to 1 am so if it's really awful and weird you know the reason! not beta-read as usual~
> 
>  
> 
> [find me on tumblr!](http://pentaclelouis.tumblr.com/)
> 
>  
> 
> title taken from Diane Young by Vampire Weekend

"Harry, darling, how do you feel?" Louis strokes Harry's hair away from his face and watches as his husband blinks confusedly. "Are you hurting anywhere? Do you need me to call the nurse?"

Harry finally looks over at him and manages to slur out, "holy shit. Who're you?" Louis raises his brows and opens his mouth to answer but Harry puts a heavy hand on his collarbone. "Oh my god I'm in a porn aren't I? You're the sexy little twink nurse here to make me feel better. You aren’t wearing a dress or scrubs but you could still sit on m'face if you-" Harry cuts himself off with a burp. He sits still for a moment before furrowing his brow, "wait... people don't burp in porn."

Louis doesn't even know where to start with what Harry's just said. "Harry, you don't recognize me?" He watches his husband become even more confused. "How d'you know m'name?" Louis doesn't know whether to laugh or cry, honestly. "Did Gemma rent you to make me feel better? You're a stripper or a porn star or somethin' like that, right?"

Louis lets out a startled giggle, "no, Harry. I’m Louis, your husband. We've been married since we were 18." Harry opens his mouth and eyes wide in surprise, dropping his hand with a thud on the mattress. Louis nods at him as if he had replied, "yep, got married February 22nd, 2012. Funny thing is, Gemma _did_ order a stripper for your bachelor party but it wasn't me!"

Harry stares at him for a beat longer. "Holy shit I hit the jackpot! Damn, look at you.. You've got the prettiest eyes, prettiest cheekbones, prettiest mouth- God your _mouth_. Oh my- oh my god I married the prettiest boy ever." Louis watches fondly as Harry rambles about how beautiful he is. He tunes out for a second contemplating how long he'll be in his loopy state, tuning back in when Harry grabs his waist. "C'n I see your bum? Like not the-the naked version the... just turn around please."

Louis laughs and twists around so he's facing a random body diagram on the hospital wall. He doesn't bother reacting when Harry grabs his bum with one big hand and squeezes rather hard, letting out another burp and a " _woah_ ". Louis gives Harry 10 more seconds to fondle him before turning around again.

"Do we have any babies yet? Have I gotten you pregnant yet? Oh _man_ did I miss you being pregnant?!" Louis ends up laughing so hard his stomach hurts. He wipes his eyes with a tissue, "no sweetcheeks, you haven't missed me being pregnant as I have not yet birthed any kids. But if it makes you feel any better, we stopped using condoms about a month ago." He winks down at his curly headed husband.

Harry doesn't react for a second before he lifts his head slightly to glance down, giving himself a double chin. "I seem to have gotten an erection from you tellin' me that so. Yes. It did make me feel better." Louis looks down and chokes on his own spit. Harry had kicked the blankets off as soon as he woke up so Louis has a perfectly good view of Harry's cock tenting up the hospital gown.

"Jesus _Christ_ , Harry, I didn't know us going without condoms was _that_ hot for you. Put that thing away, I don't want a nurse coming in here thinking I'm trying to sex you up while you're drunk off hospital meds!" Louis throws a blue blanket he brought from home over Harry and ignores his hot cheeks.

Harry lets out a hum, gently pushing his hand under Louis’ familiar looking periwinkle sweater. “Y’look so cute when y’blush. Can I have some water?” Louis reaches blindly behind him and gets the water he brought from the cafeteria, moving the straw for Harry to drink easier. He watches his husband take a long sip before pulling off and sitting back against his pillow. “I can’t believe we’re married. You’re so pretty and helpful and so, so _sexy_! Woo! I must’ve done somethin’ really good to get you.”

Louis snorts out a laugh and brushes the curly locks from Harry’s face once again, “oh yea it was totally romantic. We met at a costume party and I was Catwoman because my best mate Liam was Batman. But, it turned out that you were a less dressed up version of Batman with just a black Batman shirt and a pair of jeans. You were totally shitfaced by the time I even saw you and the first thing you said to me was ‘don’t get too close, I might cream my pants.’ Quite the charmer you were at 16.” Harry starts guffawing loudly at this, covering his mouth in an attempt to keep quiet.

There's a beep from Louis' bag and he reaches down next to the bed to get it. He ignores Harry's pleased grunt at his bum being perched in the air as he retrieves his cellphone. He sees many texts from people asking how Harry's surgery went and he replies to some while Harry dazedly stares at Louis' face. "Can I help you, honey pot? Why are you staring?" Harry doesn't respond instead brings a hand up to Louis' face, cupping Louis' cheek.

"You're just so lovely. Long eyelashes, pink lips, button nose... all mine. I hope I tell you all this wh'n I'm not all loopy. My little bubby dove..." Harry yawns, bringing his hand down to stuff under the pillow, swiftly falling asleep.

~*~

When Harry wakes up a second time, he's less loopy. He's still far enough under that he forgets how he even got in the passenger seat of a car but he sees Louis in the drivers seat so he knows he's ok.

He's still too tired to really put up a conversation and feels himself droop in and out of consciousness. He feels a hand on his thigh and he looks over at Louis, "go on, honey, go back to sleep." He conks out nearly 40 seconds later.

~*~

When he wakes up for the third time he's completely coherent, in a bit of pain, and vaguely embarrassed. He clears his dry throat to call out "Lou!" He waits a moment and hears soft footsteps creep into the hall. The door opens to reveal his small husband, dressed in Harry's periwinkle sweater and no pants.

"Hi baby, how are you? You still loopy or do you remember who I am?" Harry furrows his brow and tries to remember what happened after the surgery. It takes a second for anything to come back but when it does he wishes he could forget. Louis laughs at the expression on his face and sits down on the bed beside him. "I only remember like vague stuff, not really anything specific."

Louis leans down to kiss the corner of his mouth, still giggling softly, "you were so sweet! You thought I was a quote _sexy little twink nurse come to make you feel better_ at first which, let me say, was very flattering and then you weren't convinced so you thought I was a _stripper_. Then I explained that we were married and you spent a minute saying every feature I had was pretty...then you asked to see my butt and when I turned around you began groping me." Harry lets out a groan.

"Babe I am so sorry! Ugh, I cannot believe I grabbed your ass in a hospital." Louis snorts, rubbing his thumb on the cut of Harry's jaw. "It's ok, love, it gets worse! Right after the groping you asked me if you had knocked me up yet. Then you got hard because I mentioned we aren't using condoms anymore."

Harry shoves two of his fingers in Louis' mouth and groans self depreciatively. "God, sweetheart, please don't. I need 300 years to recover from this. At least you didn't record it and it's all between us." When he received no response he glanced up to see Louis smirking at him evilly. He chuckles nervously, "y-you didn't record it, right?" Louis points to the camera sitting on the bedside table and yanks Harry's fingers from his mouth, "that has the entire thing recorded on to it. We can show it to our kids when they grow up."

Harry flips over, "I'm going back to bed and never waking up, tell my mom I love her and that my dying wish if for that video to be deleted." Louis lets out a squeaking laugh and lays his stomach over Harry's ribs, "heyyyy! Look at me!" When Harry looks back over, Louis gives him a sweet kiss.

"I'm sorry for making fun of you in your inebriated state." Harry smiles at him and gives him another kiss. "Besides, even if I wanted to show our kids the video I can't let them see their daddy hard and fondling their papas butt." Harry covers Louis' mouth and blows a fart noise at him. Louis just laughs evilly behind his fingers.

 


End file.
